Our First Legacy Party in Review
Almost two weeks ago, Legado successfully hosted our first-ever event, the Legacy Party (like a Tupperware party, but for life’s big decisions).
Around thirty people gathered in a home in New Paltz, NY to connect with one another, share some treats and drinks from local cafes and bakeries, and listen to our panel of guest speakers dispel common myths and misconceptions about planning for death, dying, and our legacies.
The energy in the air was warm and buzzing. It turns out, death and dying are vulnerable subjects, and an event dedicated to talking about such topics will draw a crowd of people primed for open and honest conversations.
This was no typical small-talk amongst strangers. Party-goers were opening up about their life-journeys, hopes and wishes, loved ones, the obstacles and hurdles they’ve overcome like medical issues and long-carried grief… and nobody ‘killed the vibe’ by doing so. Attendees even had the opportunity to create a piece of art together, helping us connect and create through a different medium. It reaffirmed for us the need for people to be able to connect on these topics and learn from one another.
We are beyond grateful for our featured guests, our sponsors, and everyone that attended. Below are some gems of wisdom from the event:
Myth #1: Death isn’t something we should talk about.
Okay - maybe you might have guessed that we were already in agreement with this, but Caren Martineau, founder and CEO of Bevival, concretized how and why we should talk about death.
Death literacy, she told us, is the knowledge and ability of oneself to understand, relate to, and grasp death as a concept and death as an inevitability that can and should be planned for. There’s more to the conversation than just being able to discuss it as an idea or even to feel vaguely accepting or positive about it.
Do you know what your options are for post-death arrangements?
Have you told your family members if you’d like a service, and if so, what you want it to be like?
Did you document these wishes to ease the work and potential confusion between loved ones?
Her company, Bevival, is dedicated to helping people improve their death literacy and start these conversations through various resources, especially through art, literature and creative mediums (like her podcast: Exit Interview).
Not only is death something we should talk about, it’s something we should plan for, create/consume art for, write about, and read about.
Caren Martineau - Founder and CEO of Bevival
Myth #2: Estate Planning is a sad affair.
When Ciara Lister, Legado’s co-founder, tells people that she’s an estate attorney, the most common response she gets is “aw, that must be so sad.” While she understands why someone on the outside might think that at first, she doesn’t feel that way.
“I get to hear people talk about what and who they love all day,” she shared. “People build up these collections that they feel passionately about - whether it be specialty figurines or even money that they’ve worked their whole life for - and then are excited to pass that on to the people they care about.”
One woman that she was providing services for, came up with a plot to reunite her two wayward friends by leaving to them her entire shoe collection - except one would receive only the left shoes and the other would get all of the right-shoes - thus, they’d have to get together. Even if she didn’t settle on this plan, it shows that estate planning doesn’t have to be drab and depressing, it can be what you make it.
Just have a document. “You need some sort of document”, Lister made sure we understood. A revocable living trust is frequently the best option, but you have to have something. If you’re worried about the cost, there are ways to lessen it; get the paperwork you need, fill it out at home, and get it notarized to avoid unnecessary billable hours.
Better yet, utilize a tool like Legado to make the entire process smoother, more affordable, and more customizable.
Ciara Lister, Esq. - Co-Founder of Legado
Myth #3: Death is something to be considered down the road… Way, way, way down the road.
When working with her clients, Kate Crow, a life coach of twenty years, will often reverse-engineer her client’s plans and needs by beginning with the end. At the end of your life when you’re on your deathbed, what will you hope to have accomplished, experienced, or created? Consider how you want to be remembered, and then evaluate if you’re living your life accordingly. If you’re not, why not? When do you think you’ll begin embodying those aspects of yourself that you most want to be remembered for?
Crow likes to get into the shadowy sides of her clients, because that’s where our self-sabotaging behaviors live. Our fears, insecurities, and hard-wired core beliefs about ourselves and the world limit the ways we allow ourselves to live and show up. It’s possible that you’re spending your time and energy chasing after dreams that you think you should want, rather than what you authentically desire. As we like to remind ourselves at Legado:
Your legacy doesn’t start the day you die, it starts the day you begin living intentionally.
Kate Crow - Holistic Life Coach
Myth #4: Hospice care means that “the end” is near.
Hospice provides end-of-life support, but doesn’t signify when the end will exactly come. Sure, there are certain criteria to qualify for Hospice (a patient must have a terminal illness and a physician must sign off on forecasting less than 6 months of life left), but Jenny Leifer worked as a Hospice nurse, and saw some patients and their families receive vital support for years.
Another thing Jenny shared with us that surprised the room, anyone can call Hospice. It’s a common misconception that only your doctor can call Hospice. You can call them for yourself or on a loved ones’ behalf- and if you pass all criteria, they will provide care.
Jenny Leifer is a RN, Hospice Specialist, and the Co-host of the Valley Girls Podcast.
Myth #5: Planning for death starts and ends in the physical and emotional realms.
Jon Gaines, cyber security specialist, reminded us that our legacy includes our digital presence, and that the digital world we live in is just as important to consider when making end-of-life arrangements.
Think about it… Are your passwords organized and accessible to your loved ones if they need to access any of your banks, emails, or social media after you pass? Consider even just your personal computer and any photos or documents you may have saved. If that idea freaks you out, maybe think about writing into your estate plan who may access what data of yours posthumously.
Gaines shared a handful of digital hygiene tips, some of which include:
Use 2-Factor Authentication - This adds an extra layer of security to your accounts, and will make it less likely that someone can hack your Facebook account after you’ve died to post a bajillion scam links to a Ray-Bans sale or something.
Use a Password Manager - A trustworthy password manager like Bitwarden or Dashlane is more secure than storing them in your phone’s notes app or writing them on Post-Its in your office. Plus, it takes the guesswork out of accessing your information (especially as password requirements become more complex or the event of memory decline) and will make granting access to loved ones in your passing a lot simpler.
Avoid sending sensitive information/documents through email -
Even if it’s encrypted and supposedly secure, you lose control over who can access that information and for how long. The best route would be to create a folder in the cloud (like Google Drive or Dropbox) to house that document and then simply send a link to that folder through an encrypted email to whoever needs it. This way, you can choose to delete that folder when it’s no longer necessary for that person to have access to it. They might still have the email lying around in their inbox, but the link will no longer work. Whereas with sending it directly through email, that information could potentially live in their inbox indefinitely if they don’t delete it!
Jon Gaines - Cyber Security Specialist and Founder of GainSec
Looking around the room that night as everyone gathered to consider death and legacies with a lightness and a curiosity, interacting with one another with compassion, patience and a genuine desire to learn from and support one another, I thought of the final chapter in Sophie K. Rosa’s Radical Intimacy, in which she writes:
Building the capacity for loving mutual aid around life’s transitions is an essential form of solidarity. If we trust that ourselves and our kin will be cared for at the end of our lives, we may feel less afraid of the isolation of death, and therefore be more attentive to what it could mean to be alive together.
Gatherings like this, that are supported by the community and nurture a sense of community empowerment, are crucial.
Legado is humbled and honored to be considered by you in your legacy planning. It’s a pleasure to be alive with you, and we wish you all a good life and a good death.
Legacy Party attendees mingling.
If you’re interested in hosting a Legacy Party in your community please reach-out to our team here.
Huge thanks to our local sponsors and supporters:
Legacy Party Attendee